Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Selena's Holiday Recount

Selena has tried to write an introduction with a hook to engage her audience, and then an orientation so we all know what her recount is about.

“Oh my gosh it’s so noisy!” I screamed in my head. I was listening to my ipod on full volume but I could still hear screaming and laughing. The most annoying thing is that I was being bumped up and down. It was like I was on a bouncy castle.
Our whole family missed my nephew Dereon and my sister Patrice, so we thought we would go to Tauranga and surprise them. But along the way...

1 comment:

Miss Garden said...

Where is the noise coming from Selena?, I am a little confused. What is making you bounce up and down?
You have used a variety of sentences lengths and types, and you are expressing your thoughts and feelings in your introduction. Although, as your reader I am having trouble understanding what you are talking about, try to make it very clear for us.
I look forward to seeing your next piece of writing shared on the blog.