Selena has tried to write an introduction with a hook to engage her audience, and then an orientation so we all know what her recount is about.
“Oh my gosh it’s so noisy!” I screamed in my head. I was listening to my ipod on full volume but I could still hear screaming and laughing. The most annoying thing is that I was being bumped up and down. It was like I was on a bouncy castle.
Our whole family missed my nephew Dereon and my sister Patrice, so we thought we would go to Tauranga and surprise them. But along the way...
Selena
Where is the noise coming from Selena?, I am a little confused. What is making you bounce up and down?
ReplyDeleteYou have used a variety of sentences lengths and types, and you are expressing your thoughts and feelings in your introduction. Although, as your reader I am having trouble understanding what you are talking about, try to make it very clear for us.
I look forward to seeing your next piece of writing shared on the blog.